Confronting our own inner demons is the hardest battle we ever have to face, especially when they’re so deep-rooted after so many years: filling in the holes that each leaves behind with hope, because that’s all that I have at the moment. I’m feeling a little like Pandora’s Box.
Breaking through the barriers that my own mind has constructed, and confronting those demons; reliving painful memories that my mind would prefer to forget: and this is just one of the battles that I’m facing, leaving me feeling exposed and vulnerable.
Accepting my vulnerabilities – breaking down all those protective shells that I’d built around myself over the decades – was never going to be quick or easy, and something that I’ll never finish; but it’s something that I need to do, and even a small victory is still a victory.
I know I’m winning this fight, because the pain that I feel grows each day, and I wonder if hope is enough; but I know that those doubts and the fear of that pain is how the demons are fighting back. I have to convince myself that hope won’t give way to despair.
Will I be a better person when it’s over? I don’t know! I do know that I will be able to look at myself in the mirror, and feel more comfortable with myself.
Fighting our own demons is a personal battle, one that we fight alone. The struggle makes me feel so lonely; and the only person that will ever know the outcome is myself. I just wish I could be there to provide support to those that I love, rather than being a drain on them.